Senior Year: From A First-Grade View

"RRRRRR---IIINNN---GG!!!!"

The hallways have a hint of antiseptic spray as its scent, the floors a glossy shine.

I take a look around and shoot up quick prayer and hope for the best. Hesistently,

I muster up the courage to knock on the wooden door...

At the end of last year, I never suspected that I would ever step foot into

the elementary section of our K-12 school again. I had grown up here

with my fellow classmates, felt my first sting of rejection, and developed

my first of many crushes in this elementary school. And now, years later,

I return back to these halls. Why? I got put into cadet teaching 3rd hour.

I never actually chose at will to become a cadet teacher.

To be honest, I have never been great with children, nor do I have a desire

to teach kids in the future, but God willed it that I would be given this opportunity

and exposure to children. Or at least, I'm trying to convince myself of that.

After running on only three hours of sleep and an emotional

high, I wasn't ready yet to do much of anything.

As much as I tried to will myself to drop cadet teaching, I chose not to. Why?

I'm not totally sure. But I believe that I would have regretted it eventually,

so I decided to try it out, since I didn't know what to expect.

I help out a first grade class everyday for 50 minutes

during my 3rd hour class. This has consisted of little jobs here and there, until

the school year gets going along. From cutting out stuff for projects, organization,

filing, and more, I actually haven't been given a huge work load. Unfortunately

for the teacher I help, I only am able to come in while the kids end their morning

activity, go to recess and then lunch. Though I'm not really able to have much hands-on

experience working with the children, I am observing quite a bit.

I am noticing a classroom environment, not from the student perspective, but

as an outsider. I notice the fidgeting, restless children. I notice the kids

who hunger for attention, the kids who struggle, and the kids who try

to show off. I see innocence to hyper-activity. I notice an ever-patient

teacher instructing and taking the little ones under her wing, willing to discipline

without losing her cool. I notice how differently the teacher handles

situations versus how I probably would have handled them had I been in

those situations. And it definitely puts me in my place.

I'm hoping that by the end of the school year, I will walk through that classroom

door unafraid of new experiences. I hope that I will learn more than little

observations of classroom structure, child behavior, and teacher interaction.

But rather, that I would learn more about myself, my weaknesses, and how

I can improve.